Thoughts on Discpline

I've decided that the people at Joshua's orphanage are either the most effective disciplinarians on the planet or the worst.

When we got Joshua you could look at him crossways OR just gently say "no" and he would stop whatever he was doing, cower a bit, begin to whimper, and eventually cry a bit if one of us didn't start reassuring him that he was going to be OK.  If you looked at him crossways AND said "no" he would completely fall apart.  Time passed by...

After a while he toughened up a bit and he didn't mind so much the cross looks or hearing "no" but still if you gave him a stern "NO" he would stop in his tracks and start whimpering.  If you set him in the corner, on the stairs, or anything that was remotely like what we would call "time out", he would complete break down.  Time passed by...

Now he's much more like Lora.  You can say "No" all you want, scowl all you want and it doesn't phase him.  He clearly feels free to be rebellious and obstinate, resistive to our direction, and generally disrespectful.  He still doesn't like being sat down (time-out style) but mostly his protest is rebellious in nature, not like before.  I think this is generally what's known as "the terrible two's".

I have mixed emotions about this.  On the one hand, I think it's a good sign that Joshua is secure enough that he feels free to rebel and not fear that we're going to abandon him, beat him, or otherwise abuse him for expressing his own selfish interests.  On the other hand, it's really hard to discern the difference between when he's being a normal two year-old or when he's really being needy because he's gone without normal affection his whole life.  It's a hard thing to figure out.  Like my father, I err on the side of discipline.  Heather err's on the side of compassion - she's a mother.

So back to my original statement.  I think the folks at the orphanage did whatever they needed to do to satiate his selfishness and keep him happy.  This is essentially what I do when I work the church nursery on my one sunday a month.  I don't discipline those kids, I soothe them - whatever it takes to get them to be quiet for 1 hour.  Joshua was a male, who was missing a hand, with a hernia.  The orphanage workers told us to not let him cry very long or it would damage the hernia more.  I really think they just did whatever they needed to do to keep him happy all the time.  WHICH MEANS, he probably never hear the word "no" before he met us.

So Joshua, welcome to life as a Shanks.  Not only are you now guaranteed to live a life full of awkward social moments, poor physical conditioning, telling jokes that nobody else gets, and "vacations" that are really just trips to visit grandma - but we also believe in discipline.  You're the luckiest kid in the world....